I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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