marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
