Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
