Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize