It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
