just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
