batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She even gives head with a lisp.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I AM VODKA MAN
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
