I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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