What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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