No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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