I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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