I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
