I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
