Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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