I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
