If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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