My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize