she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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