shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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