I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize