i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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