I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
