I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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