mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
