So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize