kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
