Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
