Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
