he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
