im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
