He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Randomize
