so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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