I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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