"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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