i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
