I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
