I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
