just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
