hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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