i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I am available for nakedness
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
