My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Randomize
