Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize