I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
