in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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