Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
