Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
