I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
