i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
