Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize