i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
