Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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