By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
