I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Dignity is for republicans.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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