Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
