i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
