farters have to be the big spoon...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
