i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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