Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
