All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
