Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
