i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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