Jerry, you need to find god
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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