So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
