you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
