Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
ok first of all what the fuck
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
