There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
