the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
NoShamevember. You game?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
