Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
