a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
