does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
